i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
