I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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