I want to stick my p in your. b.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
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I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
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Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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