so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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