she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
