Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
