I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
