Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"

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(937): View more from Ohio

Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it

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(206): View more from Washington

tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.

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(313): View more from Michigan

We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.

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(205): View more from Alabama

How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?

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(574): View more from Indiana

Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?

(1-574): View more from Indiana

It has heated floors

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(904): View more from Florida

Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?

(1-904): View more from Florida

Don't judge me.

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