My brain says no but my pants say off.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
