hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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