he puts the penis in happiness.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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