We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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