I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Im part way to drunk.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
