Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my shit smells like andre
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
