I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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