woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
