Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The air was thick with penises
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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