I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
