Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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