If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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