Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
