I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
