How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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