He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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