i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
