My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
