using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
