If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
