As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Found your dick twin last night
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
