yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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