She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Bring me that man meat
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
