im drinking this country out of the recession.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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