peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
