Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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