Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i drank out of a bidet.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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