Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
