Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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