omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
