saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
