so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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