how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
