I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Are we still banned from the library?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
