Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
soo... how was my night?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
