He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
