Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
