Sry I called you an 8
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
