How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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