He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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