: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
