it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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