Have you finally orgasmed yet?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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