Plan B is the new Plan A
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
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the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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