put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
