It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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