i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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