i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
