drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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