Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
