Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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