ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Princesses don't give blow jobs
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Randomize
