I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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