One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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