So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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