I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
