he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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