At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
