Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
