Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
