the condom got lost in my hair
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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