im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
sex in a hospital.. check
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i think i just lost a toe
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
