is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
