Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
