I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
