I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
