worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
