Porn is love you can see.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
