sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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