Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
