We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
