you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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