I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
