life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
