My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
