I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
