covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
