Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
