im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
