remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
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